


Blood stained roses

by strwberryx



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: (i love to make characters suffer), (no happiness allowed), Angst, Child Abuse, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Mild Blood, Minor Character Death, Pre-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Self-Harm, Togami Byakuya is Bad at Feelings, Togami Byakuya-Centric, Unrequited Love, he is also bad at friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:34:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24355894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strwberryx/pseuds/strwberryx
Summary: Togami isn't weak. At least that's what he tells himself.But when he one day starts coughing up rose petals, he's not as sure.
Relationships: Maizono Sayaka/Naegi Makoto(background), Naegi Makoto/Togami Byakuya
Comments: 43
Kudos: 334





	1. Chapter 1

Togami stares at his reflection in the black liquid's surface. He is the heir of the Togami Corporation, a man who certainly doesn’t waste his time thinking about other people. That is usually the case at least. His gaze wanders from the coffee cup in his hands to a table in the corner of the cafeteria where a few of his classmates are sitting. 

  
They are chatting, laughing and enjoying eachothers company. His classmates are nothing more than a bunch of plain commoners. Losers with pathetically useless talents that won't get them anywhere. Ultimate Clairvoyant? Ultimate Moral Compass? Ultimate Fanfic Writer? He wants to laugh. He already decided the first day attending the Academy that none of them where worthy of his attention. In fact he can barely even remember their names, it’s hard for him to remember things he doesn’t care about.

  
But there is someone who doesn't quite fall under that rule. His gaze locks on to Makoto Naegi, a short boy with messy brown hair and bright green eyes. He apparently got accepted into Hope's Peak as the ‘Ultimate Lucky Student’. In other words he had been randomly selected to attend the academy by pure chance. Hope's Peak only accepts the most prestige and gifted students in the country yet there, mere meters from him, sits a boy who is almost the definition of ordinary.   
  


_And Togami can’t stop thinking about him._

  
Why is this regular commoner, with no distinctive talent or exciting about him, constantly on his mind? He out of anyone should be the person Togami cares about the least, but he finds himself somewhat intrigued by the boy instead. Naegi is rather intelligent and quick minded, he showed as much when he almost outsmarted Togami himself during the class debate project. That whole thing was months ago now but he still thinks about it from time to time. A lot actually. His sheer intellect had taken Togami by surprise, he never expected the kind and softhearted Makoto to be anything but stupid. 

  
He has no time to waste thinking about other people, especially not anyone as uninteresting as Naegi. Soon he will blend into the grey blur that is his other classmates, a simple commoner no worthy of his thoughts.

  
He takes a sip from his coffee and quickly decides that it’s undrinkable. Such a bland and watery drink shouldn't even have the right to call itself coffee. It is nothing like the coffee he is used to drinking of course, but this is just unacceptable. He looks at the cup with disgust one more time before throwing it in the trash can. He is just about to leave when he hears a familiar voice calling his name.

  
“Togami!” He sees Naegi waving at him in the corner of his vision. Togami clicks his tongue in annoyance and spins around towards him. 

  
“What do you want?” He asks with an irritated tone. He already knows what Naegi’s about to say to him. He’s going to ask Togami to hang out with them. He always tries to bring Togami into the group, like he thinks they could be _friends_. Like Togami hasn’t clearly hinted that he wants to be left alone.

  
“We were planning to go grill marshmallows in the forest tonight!” He says with overwhelming enthusiasm. “Would you like to come with us?”  
  


He was right. Of course he was, he’s always right.

  
“Just the thought of spending any amount of time with you makes me physically ill.” He responds flatly.

  
“It seems like Mr. High and Mighty over here is too cool to have friends.” Enoshima mutters and rolls her eyes. “Or are we not cool enough for you? Commoners, is that what you called us or whatever?”

  
Togami is just about to throw a witty insult back at her when his gaze locks on Naegi’s hand. His fingers are tightly intertwined with the ones of the blue haired pop idol Maizono.  


_ Something about the sight makes his stomach twist.  _

  
Before saying anything further he turns on his heels and with quick steps he heads out of the dining hall. He never likes it when couples show their affection in public, and this is no exception. People can like eachother how much they want as long as he doesn’t have to see it.

  
He makes sure to lock the door to his dorm room. The last time he left the door unlocked Fukawa had managed to sneak in and steal some of his clothes. Just the thought of what she might have done with them makes him want to gag, let alone her actually being in his room while he’s sleeping. He takes out his phone and looks at the time. It’s not particularly late but it’s getting hard to ignore the numbness of his legs and the heaviness of his eyelids.

  
He decides to change into his night attire and slip into bed early, it’s been a while since he’s had a full nights sleep after all. He places his head comfortably onto his pillow and stares up into the ceiling. His mind wanders back to the dining hall, to Naegi’s enthusiastic and sparkly eyes and to Maizono's grip around his hand. A sinking and twisting sensation starts to form in his stomach. Anger? Jealousy? Togami gets frustrated with himself at the thought. He doesn’t understand why he’s feeling like this, and he’s not sure he wants to know either.

  
He twists and turns in his bed sheets, desperately trying to think about something else but with no luck. His entire body is screaming at him that he needs rest but his head is as clear as ever. The sheets and pillows feel like sandpaper as he turns to change position every two minutes. 

  
And then he starts coughing. Dry and raspy coughs make their way through his throat. Could he be getting sick? He thinks, and takes his wrist to his forehead. He might have a fever but it’s hard to tell due to his cold hands. After what feels like forever he finally manages to fall into a light sleep

\-----

  
_“You remind me of your father in so many ways.. He was just like you when we first met” she whispers as she strokes her fingers through his blonde hair. “I’m happy to see you so... determined”_   
  


_“You don’t look very happy”_

  
_She pauses for a moment, like she doesn’t know how to respond._   
  


_He wants to ask her, but he doesn’t know how he should formulate it. She has a charming smile, but if you look closely, her eyes are constantly clouded with sadness. Salty tears fall down her cheeks when she thinks no one’s looking. He wants to ask her, and so he does._   
  


_“Do you love him?”_

_  
She doesn’t answer. _

  
\-----

  
The first Togami sees when he wakes up is that his pillow is covered in white rose petals. He picks up one of them and looks at it with confusion. It is indeed a real rose petal, the strong and distinctive scent still lingering in the air. He locked his bedroom door yesterday didn’t he? He rushes over to his door and lets out a sigh of relief when the doorknob rattles under his hand.   
So if his stalker hasn’t gotten into his room this night and given him a present to wake up to then what is it? He looks back to the petals laying neatly scattered across his pillow and frowns. Could she have snuck into his room and planted them there earlier? He tries to recall yesterday's events but he’s certain he locked the door before leaving yesterday. Besides, there is no way he couldn't have noticed them when he went to sleep last night.

  
He decides to think rationally. It must have been Fukawas doing, he doesn’t see any other possibility. He was simply too tired yesterday and didn’t notice. That had to make sense, did it not?   
Yet he still can’t shake the uncomfortable feeling that something is wrong. Something is terribly wrong.

  
\-----

  
Togami shoves his notebook aside and flips his novel open. The equation has been laughably easy for him and he has solved it in just a few minutes. His classmates doesn’t seem to have solved the equation with the same ease though. They’re discussing loudly, throwing crumpled paper at each other and writing awfully wrong conclusions on the whiteboard. Even when they put their tiny brains together they can’t seem to solve a simple equation.

  
“But what if X and Y are the same then?” Kuwata asks and props his feet up on a table.

  
“No. I don’t think that's possible.” Chihiro says quietly. Togami glazes over to them from his book. They don’t get it at all do they? Have they even been paying attention in class the past three weeks?

  
“We need to break the problem down into several pieces if we want to get this done. We won’t get anywhere by guessing.” Kirigiri says as she snatches the paper from Kuwata.

“M-Master Byakuya already f-figured it o-out! Maybe w-we can ask him?” Fukawa says and gives Togami an unsettling smile. Togami frowns and remembers that he needs to confront her about the flower petals later.

  
“He did?” Naegi turns around and smiles at him. Something about his smile sends a shiver down Togami’s spine. He quickly returns his eyes down to his book. 

“If you already know the answer, can't you show us?” Maizono asks

  
“You can figure it out yourselves. It’s not my fault you’re all stupid.” He mutters from his book.

  
He continues his reading and tries really, really, hard not to look up at Naegi. He finds himself doing that way too often; studying his his movements, listening to his laugh and sharpening his ear whenever he has something to say. He needs to constantly remind himself that Naegi is nothing more than a filthy commoner, a tiny insignificant plankton drifting aimlessly through the world. This isn’t right. He needs to stop this newfound obsession immediately before it escalates any further.

  
Easier said than done.

  
He shots a glaze back at Naegi to see him focused on something written on the whiteboard, eyebrows knit together and his eyes deep in thought. 

  
The teacher calls it a day and Togami quickly packs up his things and leaves. He can’t linger around the classroom for too long unless he wants his stalker clinging onto him like a parasite. He turns left and starts walking towards the library. The library at Hope's Peak is nothing compared to his family's but it’s a rather comfortable and quiet place.

  
Just before turning the handle to the library door he coughs. It’s a dry, raspy and slightly painful cough that showers him in a wave of uncomfort. And then, slowly twirling down to the ground, is a single rose petal.

  
He stares at the petal in complete disbelief. What had just happened? Was this someone's idea of a joke? He looks around the empty hallway but there is not a single person in sight. He picks up the petal and studies it. It’s identical to the ones he found in his bed this morning.

  
He can feel a uncomfortable swirling in his lungs and he coughs into his hands. He can feel the rasping of the petal as it makes its way up his throat and through his parted lips. The bitter taste lingers on his tongue and he opens his eyes.

  
In the palm of his hands lays another white rose petal. 

  
\-----  


Togami hurries back to his dorm room in panic. Did he actually just do that? Did the rose petals he was holding in his hand come from.. inside his body? No that can’t be right, he thinks, as he returns to his room with shaky legs.

  
The rose petals in his hands are identical to the ones laying on his bed. Does this mean that they also...He shakes his head. None of that makes sense. There must be some sort of logical explanation to all of this. There has to be an explanation. There is definitely some sort of explanation.

  
No matter how much he tells himself that he can’t stop shaking, he hasn’t felt this scared since he was a little kid. His breath is quick, his palms and back dripping with sweat, and his pulse is ringing loudly in his ears. He shakes his head and looks up at the ceiling.

  
He is losing his mind. There is no other logical explanation. Something has broken inside his head and now he is hallucinating. Great. Absolutely fantastic. He thinks as he buries his face in his hands. 

  
He lets out a nervous chuckle that soon turns into a full on hysterical laughter. It’s ironic, he thinks. That he, Byakuya Togami, the flawless and self proclaimed Ultimate Perfection, has turned completely and utterly insane.

  
His laughter soon turns into coughing. He starts panicking as the same uncomfortable rasping from earlier makes its way through his throat and he gags. The bitter petals fill up his mouth and he spits them out into his hands. 

  
He stares in disbelief. In his hands now lay three rose petals, slightly wet and sticky with his saliva. This can’t be a hallucination, it feels too real. _Way too real_. The rose petals are coming from _inside his body_ and he is coughing them up. His head feels fuzzy and his thoughts are a screaming mess. This is real. Somehow, for some reason, this isn’t a trick of his brain or a prank of some sort. This is reality. He is coughing up flowers, actual _real_ flowers.

  
He doesn't know how to take in all of this. The room around him is spinning and the air feels heavy in his lungs. It feels unreal, like he's been thrown into a fictional world. None of this makes sense yet it is still very much happening.

  
He coughs up a few petals again. And again. And again.

  
And everytime it happens the unsettling reality slaps him across the face, and it gets slightly harder to breathe. 


	2. Chapter 2

It's been more than 24 hours since Togami woke up with rose petals on his bed. He didn’t return to class after his attack yesterday and has since then been hiding in his room, recollecting his thoughts.

He has come to the conclusion not to let anyone know. This weird phenomenon would be near impossible to explain to someone who didn't see it for themselves. And if someone did, what would he say?  _ ‘You know, just started throwing up flowers when I woke up today _ **’** just wouldn’t be believable.

He has considered seeking medical help, but the idea doesn’t sit quite right with him. I mean, no one would take him seriously. He can think of many ways this, new thing...whatever it was, could have been faked. He could have swallowed the petals and made himself throw up, or put flowers in his hands and coughed into them. He can almost see their judging eyes, irritated voices and tired sighs.

-No. If he want to avoid making a fool out of himself this needs to be kept a secret, for the time being at least. It doesn’t seem to want to stop any time soon and he can’t just isolate himself forever. Attending classes at Hope's Peak is not mandatory but he still values his education. He would need to continue on with his life like usual to avoid drawing suspicion to himself. All he could do was to act normal and  _ pray _ this would go away sooner rather than later.

He chugs a glass of water and takes a few deep breaths before opening his door. He is immediately greeted by the Ultimate Writing Prodigy who stumbles backwards with a small scream.

“May I ask what you’re doing outside my room?”

“Ah! M-Master Byakuya I..I just..uh y-you know..” Fukawa stutters out.

“And how long have you been standing here?” He demands and shoots her a venomous glare.

“I-I saw you rushing t-to y-your room yesterday s-so I thought I-”

“So you’ve been standing here the entire night?”

“B-but I was j-just seeing if y-you-”

“-Stop talking” He interrupts and she quickly closes her mouth at the order. “And don’t stand outside my door like that ever again.”

With that he leaves her and continues walking down the hallway. It doesn’t take long until he can hear her quick footsteps behind him, though he doesn’t turn around to look. He finds that sometimes the easiest way to shake her off is to ignore her completely. If he insults her or commands her to leave she will take it as some sort of ‘compliment’ and cling onto him even more. He has had similar obsessive stalkers in the past but none of them have been quite this obsessive.

He steps into the classroom and takes an empty seat in the back, making sure to position himself as far away from Fukawa as possible. His classmates appears to be setting up some sort of play. Celestia and Maizono are writing down names on the whiteboard and the rest of the class are arguing over who should get which role. Togami sighs and picks up his book, he doesn’t wish to participate in such childish activities. Just as he’s started reading he gets disrupted by an all too familiar voice.

“Togami, which role would you want?” Naegi asks.”There are four leftover roles and it would be fun if you wanted to participate.” He continues and nods in the whiteboards direction. Togami doesn’t want to participate at all, and he’s just about to say that when he feels a pressure tightening in his chest. He tries to inhale but it only results in overwhelming pain.  _ He needs to cough.  _

He quickly stands up and accidentally bumps into Naegi’s shoulder when he rushes out. He can’t breathe. He needs to get out.  _ Now. _

“I’ll take that as a no!” Naegi shouts after him, disappointment coloring his words.

The pain in his chest increases with every step he takes. His entire body is aching and his lungs are screaming desperately for oxygen. He elbows his way through the crowded hallway and rushes into the bathroom. He locks the door behind him and gags when a handful of petals make their way through his throat. It’s painful, but when everything's out he feels a strange sort of relief. His legs give up under him and he falls down on the cold concrete floor. He barely feels the pain when his body hits the ground, too focused on steadying his breathing. 

_ In..  _ and  _ out _ …..

...  _ In _ ... and..  _ out _ ...

\---

_ The cold breeze caresses his skin and the smell of roses fills the air. He runs through the garden, damp grass under his bare feet and hair blowing in the wind. _

_ He stops at the sight of a particular bush. Amongst rows of red and pink roses, is a single bush of white roses. He crouches down and breathes in their lovely scent. _

_ Without thinking, he grabs one of them and starts to pull. He soon realize his mistake when he feels a sudden pain in his fingers, and removes his hand. A drop of blood appears on his index finger and falls down on the rose, painting its petals red. _

_ "Byakuya, there you are" His mother says and sits next him in in the grass "Your piano teacher is here" _

_ "I tried to pick a rose and I hurt my finger" He says and looks up at her. She takes his hand and inspects the cut. _

_ "White roses symbolize honor and purity, but you shouldn’t be fooled by their beauty. If you get to close, their thorns will sink through your skin, leaving nothing but pain behind" _

\---

The pain in his chest ease a little as he lays there on the ground. He feels completely exhausted, like all his energy and motivation has been completely sucked out of him. He wants nothing more than to lay here on the bathroom floor right now, with only the muffled chatter in the hallway and the sound of his own heartbeat to keep him company. His eyes feel heavy, and although he would never admit it, the idea of falling asleep right now is extremely tempting. 

No- he can’t just lay here on the floor in a school bathroom like some filthy rat. He’s glad that he’s alone, he would rather die than let anyone see him in his current, humiliating state. He collects himself and with the little energy he has left he shoves himself up in a sitting position. The rose petals lay scattered all across the bathroom floor. Suddenly aware of the aching pain in his back and legs, he gets up, collects the petals and brushes of the dirt from his uniform.

It’s still difficult to breathe but as long as he takes deep and steady breaths it will be fine. At least that’s what he keeps telling himself. Everything will be fine. If he just makes sure no one notices and only coughs when he’s alone, it will be fine. He will continue his regular life like nothing’s weird, unordinary or supernatural or whatever is happening. A tiny obstacle like this won’t defeat him. Not in the slightest.

But when he bends over and throws up a handful of petals into the sink, he’s not as sure.

\----

Togami lets his fingers slide across the back of the binders as he makes his way through the crammed archive. The smell of old books and the dimmed lighting in his family's archive usually makes him feel calm, but right now he feels like the walls are suffocating him. It’s been six days since he started coughing up flower petals and it’s gradually getting worse. He has an idea about what’s going on, not a very appealing idea, but he can’t say anything for certain yet. He needs to find a specific file that he remember reading two years ago, but finding it again seems harder than it should be. He scans the bookshelves thoroughly from top to bottom without any luck.

Just as he’s about to leave, a blue binder named “The cases of Millie Eddsworth and Emma Kristensen” grabs his attention. He takes out the file, and just as he thought, the familiar documents and drawings look back up at him. He takes the file with him and goes back to his desk in the corner of the archive.

The documents are about two young women, Millie and Emma who died under similar mysterious circumstances one week apart. Emma was found dead on the 11th of september 1908 and Millie on the 18th. The two girls had no known connection to one another other than their cause of death;  _ suffocation from flowers.  _

_ [ CASE FILE: 214; 11/Sept/1908 _

_ FULL NAME: Emma Marie Kristensen _

_ DATE OF BIRTH: 24/May/1890 _

_ DATE OF DEATH: 12/Aug/1908 _

_ PLACE OF BIRTH: Copenhagen, Denmark _

_ PLACE OF DEATH:  _ _ Duluth, Minnesota ] _

_ [ Ms. Kristensen was seen throwing up daisies as well as coughing blood two months before her death. Ms. Kristensen had been visited by several doctors and priests before her passing, but none of them could identify her sickness. She had refused to let the doctors dissect her body after her passing. The circumstances behind her death remains unknown] _

_ [ _ **_Symptoms:_ ** _ Coughing, repeated vomiting, coughing blood, high fever, fatigue, shortness of breath, choking, coughing flowers(?), vomiting flowers(?)] _

_ [ _ **_Cause of death:_ ** _ asphyxia _ _ ] _

_ [ CASE FILE: 215; 11/Sept/1908 _

_ FULL NAME: Millie Jones _

_ DATE OF BIRTH: Estimated 1888-1891 _

_ DATE OF DEATH: 19/Aug/1908 _

_ PLACE OF BIRTH: Unknown _

_ PLACE OF DEATH:  _ _ Duluth, Minnesota  _

_ [Ms. Jones, a servant with no known relatives, was found dead in her masters home. She appeared to have suffered from the same kind of death as Emma kristensen, who passed away one week earlier. Due to her parents being presumed dead, nobody could object to an autopsy being made on her body. According to the autopsies report, Ms.Jones's lungs had been filled to the brim with yellow tulips. The report also states that the flowers seemed to have been in her lungs long before her death.] _

_ [ _ **_Cause of death:_ ** _ Asphyxia; Suffocation from yellow tulips] _

_ [ _ **_Additional notes:_ ** _ Potentially suffered from Hanahaki Disease] _

Upon reading that _ ,  _ Togami takes his hand to his chest almost instinctively. When he had first read this report he had thought the entire thing had seemed ridiculous. That the Hanahaki disease was only a legend, a fictional disease only appearing in fictional stories.

His mother used to tell him a story about a prince who fell in love with a fisherman’s daughter. The prince was forced to marry a woman of the same status as himself, being told he wasn’t allowed to choose anyone he wanted. He lived his life in constant pain and heartbreak, never telling the fisherman’s daughter how he really felt about her. This pain caused roses to grow inside his lungs. They grew and grew, and the prince was slowly, but surely, dying. The prince begged to see the fisherman’s daughter one last time but his parents refused, causing him to suffocate on a bouquet of red roses.

Togami used to be fascinated by stories that ended with tragedies, and this one had been one of his favorites. Not only that, but the story had always spoke to him sort of personally. For you see, as the heir of the Togami family he is supposed to have several arranged partners from various families. Partners whose sole purpose is to give birth to his children, who would later, much like himself, fight one another for the position as the Togami heir.

But he has long since accepted his fate, decided that he will not let himself fall as low as in love. He will continue the family bloodline in the traditional way, just like his father and everyone before him. Life isn’t a fairytale. 

He sighs and glace back at the documents on the table. This whole thing is ridiculous. A disease that makes flowers grow inside your lungs, caused by unrequited love? As unrealistic as it sounds, the proof are right in front of him. Not only the case files, but also his own recent experiences. The petals in his inner pocket are more than enough proof of that.

But that the disease is cause by unrequited love? He isn't sure how to feel about that. He wants to deny it. He wants to deny it more than anything. He would never fall like that, feel like that, become weak like that. No one could make him vulnerable like that. Not even a short, brown haired, hazel eyed, dumb, Makoto Naegi. It is nothing more than an obsession. A little obsession that just coincidentally occurred at the same time as all of this.

He doesn’t want to admit it, but he knows that's not the case.

Maybe he likes Naegi, at least a little bit. The only person to ever see him as a real human, rather than an entity. The only person who is genuinely nice to him without wanting something in return. The only person to ever make an attempt at befriending him. But Naegi is like that with everyone.

_ It doesn’t mean as much to him as it does to Togami. _

That thought hurts way more than it should have.

He can feel the uncomfortable swirling in his chest and he braces himself for another round. In a series of painful coughings and uncontrollable gagging, the white petals make their way up. His vision becomes a blur as his eyes start to water, it feels like someone is stabbing his lungs from the inside and he gasps for air. The last few days have been unbearably painful and the disease has been getting more and more difficult to hide. If this keeps up it’s only a matter of time until someone finds out, and he can’t allow that to happen. He  _ won’t  _ allow that to happen.

He needs to do more research on the Hanahaki Disease. There has to be some way to get rid of this, he’s sure of it. He just needs to keep his head up and continue looking. There is nothing he can’t accomplish once he puts his mind into it, he’s Byakuya Togami after all.


	3. Chapter 3

_ It happened again today at the most inconvenient time. _

Togami runs out of the classroom and into the empty hallway. His entire body aching, and lungs feeling like they’re about to burst. His legs give up under him before he is able to reach the bathroom and he falls forward, face first into the ground. Unable to hold it in any longer, he coughs up a handful of flowers into his shaking hands. The only thing he can hear right now is the sound of his heartbeat and his unstable breaths. With the little energy he has, he manages to push himself up in a sitting position and looks around the hallway.

He’s not alone. Someone has seen him.

In a matter of seconds he stands up and his cheeks turn from sickly white to flaming red. He’s not sure if he’s more embarrassed by the fact that she might have seen him cough up some damn flower petals or that she saw him trip and fall. Either way he knows she will find a way to use this to her advantage and humiliate him. As she walks over to him he braces himself and tries to think of a way to turn the situation around. If she as much as utter a word to anyone of what just happened he-

But to his surprise she doesn’t look like she’s about to humiliate him. In fact she looks worried.

“Are you alright? What happened?” 

“I’m _ fine _ ” He responds harshly. Well, as harshly as one can manage when their lungs feel like they’re about to explode.

“Are you..” She looks down at Togami's fist that is clenched around the petals. “I-I mean, are those..?”

“That’s none of your business” He says and turns around. He’s just about to take a step when he feels a warm, steady hand around his wrist. He desperately tries to yank his hand away from her grip, but she only tightens it further..

“Wh-what the hell are you-”

“Come with me” 

For some reason he doesn’t have enough energy to protest. It isn’t like him to follow someone else’s orders but right now, when his entire body is screaming in pain, he doesn't have enough willpower to care. So he obeys and follows her into an empty classroom.

She locks the door behind them and sits down on top of a desk. They both stare at each other awkwardly for almost a minute before Togami breaks the silence.

“Care to tell me why you dragged me in here?” The girl’s eyes are still fixed on Togami's hand that is clenched around the petals.  _ She saw me cough them up didn’t she? _ He thinks as his knees start to weaken beneath him and pearls of sweat start forming on his forehead. When she doesn’t respond he adds “If you have something to say then say it. Don’t waste my time.”

“Open your hand” She whispers, so quietly it can barely be heard.

“Why would I?”

“Please, I… I’m worried about what I saw in the hallway” The girl's features are coloured with a mixture of fear, sympathy and curiosity. An expression Togami isn’t sure how to respond to.

“I already said that it’s none of your business. Don’t make me repeat myself.” He quickly sticks his hand into his uniform pocket and empties his hand. The petals stick like glue to his sweaty palm and he has to shake his hand rather intensely for them to fall off.

“I just thought I saw y-” But the girl is interrupted mid sentence by his muffled coughing. He can’t keep it in any longer. In a state of panik, he rushes out of the classroom and throws white petals on the floor. He bends down and starts collecting them, only to continue to throw them up. The petals are everywhere, seemingly infinite in number. He can hear the girls voice behind him but his mind is so distant he can’t work out what she’s saying. 

His vision gets blurred with tears as he coughs up another painful set of petals. It’s over, someone saw him and now it’s over. How is he supposed to explain to her? Or anyone for that matter? It won’t take long until everybody knows, he’s sure of it. Everyone will know and everyone will have questions. Questions he doesn’t have answers to.

The entire room is spinning and black dots start forming in front of his eyes. He can feel a warm hand on his shoulder and the girl’s voice is echoing somewhere far, far away. It feels like something heavy is pressing down on his chest, like someone is sitting on top of him, suffocating him with their entire body weight. His breaths are squeaky and raspy, like the sound of someone squeezing the air out of a helium balloon. His finally body gives up under him and he falls yet again with his head first onto the floor. He can hear the girl shouting something before his vision turns black and he drifts into unconsciousness.

_ \--- _

_ His father looks down at him with a cold and unreadable expression. He feels like he’s being judged, however it’s impossible to tell what the man is actually thinking. In the end his father says nothing, only continues to stare at him with the same emotionless mask. _

_ “I.. I wanted to ask you something” He finally says and breaks the silence. _

_ “Go ahead” His father responds, words colder than ice. He suddenly feels nervous about what he’s about to ask.  _

_ “Did you.. ever love my mother?” He hesitantly asks, but his father only raises an eyebrow. _

_ “What makes you think that?” _

_ “Because I.. think that she loved you. I know you meant a lot to her” _

_ “Feelings make you weak” His father responds with a sigh. _

_ He regrets asking. He already knew this would be the answer. _

_ “Being emotional also makes you vulnerable, a target for people to take advantage of. That sort of weakness will get you nowhere in life” His father says, shooting him a glare cold enough to make anyone's blood freeze. "You remind me of your mother in that way. Both so emotionally unstable, fragile, weak" _

_ “-No!” _

_ The word cuts through the air like a razor sharp blade. It takes him a moment to realise that it had been his own. _

_ “What was that?”  _

_ “I… I’m not weak” _

_ His father's eyes narrow and his mouth gets pressed into a thin, white line. _

_ “Then prove it” _

\---

The first thing Togami realises when he wakes up is that he has no idea where he is. The room's overall shape is similar to his own, but he doesn’t recognize any of the decor. The room smells like sickly sweet perfume, the walls are covered in posters, and there are clothes thrown lazily at the floor. He tries to recall what happened and why the hell he’s here but his memory feels completely blank. The second thing he notices is that his head hurts, a lot. He takes a hand up to his forehead to see that it’s covered in bandages. He tries to recall hitting his head and he can vaguely remember his attack in the hallway. Did he perhaps go to the nurses office? He doesn’t remember anything of the sort.

His thoughts are interrupted when he sees a tall blonde girl step out of the bathroom. He suddenly remembers everything, him tripping in the hallway, her dragging him into the classroom, his attack, the petals. He quickly sits up in the bed, only to be hit with an exploding headache.

“You should lay down. You hit your head and you might have suffered a concussion.” The girl says and walks over to him. She has a glass of water and a bottle of painkillers that she gently places down on the table next to him.

“I suggest taking two of these as well,” She continues and shyly glances over to him. “How are you feeling?”

“What happened? Why am I here?”

“Oh, um..you fainted so I brought you to my dorm room” She says and takes out a white petal from her inner pocket “Figured you wouldn't want me to bring you to the nurse's office..Since you know-”

“Give me that” He snaps and yanks the petal out of her hand. 

“It’s alright, I won’t tell anyone” 

“What did you see?” He asks and finds himself holding his breath. He knows the answer already and he doesn’t want to hear it.

“Hanahaki Disease” She whispers so quietly he can barely hear it.

“Figured as much already.” He is honestly surprised the girl knows about its existence. The disease is only a legend, and not even a famous one. The first time Togami heard about the disease outside of stories was when he read ‘The cases of Millie Jones and Emma Kristensen ’ in his family's archive two years ago, and those documents aren’t exactly public information.

“Oh..” She looks almost shocked at the fact that he knows about it as well. “Well, how long have you been.. you know?”

“Why would I tell you?” He says and looks at her suspiciously again.

“I just...want to help” She says after a brief moment of silence.

“I don’t need your help” Togami hisses back at her and stands up. He sways a little on his feet and black dots start appearing in front of his eyes, but he doesn’t sit back down, instead he starts heading toward the door.

“Wait!” The girl shouts and grabs a firm grip around his wrist. “I...I’ve had it too”

“You what?”

“I’ve had the hanahaki disease” The girl loosens her grip around his wrist and looks at him with determined eyes. “I can help you”

“Had? Implying you got rid of it?” 

“Yes..” The girl bites her lip and looks down at the ground. “But there is-”

“How do you get rid of it?” He interrupts her. He needs to get rid of this disease as soon as possible and if she knows a way she better tell him. But the girl closes her mouth shut and stares at him terrified instead. “Well? Spit it out. I don’t have all day.”

“There are two ways that I know of..” She begins but then seems to hesitate.

“And that is?” 

“There are special surgeons who can remove the flowers from your lungs permanently. It’s a tedious process that includes an invasive operation and it’s likely it won’t succeed”

“And you know about this how?” He asks with skepticism. He’s never heard that the Hanahaki Disease can be removed with surgery. But to be fair, he doesn’t know a lot about the subject in the first place. 

He regrets his question when the girl starts unbuttoning her shirt. He feels highly uncomfortable with this sudden stripping, taking a few steps backwards. At last her shirt is completely open, revealing her bare chest and the scars that cover it. 

“I’ve gone through one of those suregies”

They look quite grotesque, to say the least. Thick scars are engraved across her skin, and if he hadn't known better he would have assumed they were made by claws.

“I can see that,” He says and quickly moves his eyes away, fixing his gaze at a poster on one of the walls. “put your shirt back on ”

“S-sorry!” She exclaims and fumbles to button up her shirt.

“And where can I get in contact with said ‘special surgeons’?”

“Well..that’s the problem” She says and her expression suddenly fades into sadness.

“What?”

“My grandmother was the one who performed the surgery on me..” She sighs and stares blankly at the wall behind him. “But she passed away recently”

"That certainly doesn’t help me”

“I’m sorry..”

“Do you know anyone else besides your grandmother that can perform such surgeries?” He says with a suppressed sigh. Togami is starting to get irritated now, he knew this would be a waste of time.

“I don’t have contact with anyone but I know they... exist… somewhere”

Togami feels how the room starts spinning and his legs start shaking underneath him. The girl must have noticed this, as she quickly drags out a chair for him to sit on.

“Are you feeling alright? You should probably go to the nurses office”

“It's fine” 

“I have something, wait here” She says and walks over to a bookshelf. Sticks her hand in behind a row of books and pulls out a little wooden box. She opens it and takes out a glass bottle and a strange looking device. 

“What's that?” 

“This won’t kill the flowers but it will make them grow a little slower” She says and pops the bottle lid open. The overwhelming smell hits him as the girl opens the strange device and pours a little of the liquid inside.

“This is an inhaler. You should take a puff of this when necessary, that being if you start coughing petals, blood, or if you get a major chest pain” She says and hands him the device. "My grandmother gave me this when I was battling the disease myself"

“You’re saying this will make it go away?” He says with skepticism and looks down at the device.

“Well, not exactly. It will ease your pain but it won’t cure it completely”

He takes a good look at the inhaler, spinning it around in his hand and looking at it from all angels. It doesn’t look like a typical inhaler and he’s not entirely sure how to use it. 

“Shake it, spin the top lid to the left, and take a deep inhale” She says as if she’d read his mind. He does as she says and takes an inhale of the bitter gas. As the gas fills his lungs it almost feels like someone is untying a knot in his throat. The pain in his chest eases a little and it’s the best feeling in the world. For the first time this week he can finally take deep and calm breaths without feeling like someone’s stabbing him from the inside. The heaviness that has been holding his chest down let’s go and it almost feels like he would start levitating. 

“How does it feel?” The girl asks hesitantly.

“Much better” He almost slips up and says thank you, but stops himself right before he does so. 

“However there are side effects to the gas” She says looks him dead in the eyes.. “It will make you feel extremely light headed and shaky and you can expect some vomiting. You must use it in moderation, an overdose can kill you.”

“So you’re giving me a deadly poison?”

“You will die either way. However if you take the poison in moderation you can potentially live longer” 

Togami’s heart almost stops. During his life he hasn’t given the thought of death much attention, only a fool spends their time worrying about such unavoidable things. Everyone dies eventually, it’s everyone’s final fate, the last chapter in everyone's story. Now, when someone has confirmed he doesn’t have much time left, he feels like a defenseless rabbit. The thought that he might be dying has occurred to him more than once, but having someone confirm this hits differently.

“I’m sorry..” The girl says as if this is somehow her fault. “I will do my best to get in contact with a surgeon but…”

“You said there were two cures. What’s the other one?” He tries to say it in a demanding tone but he can hear the fear lingering in his words.

“The other one is well...not as reliable..” 

“So what? Spit it out.”

“The Hanahaki Disease is caused by unrequited love. To cure it.. your love must be returned” She says so quietly it's barely audible.

“Tch, only an idiot would believe in such wishy-washy fairy tail bullshit” He hisses out in disgust. He read the same thing earlier, but there’s no way he can believe such childish nonsense. The girl seems to agree as she nods.

The girl runs to grab a notebook from her desk drawer and scribbles something down. She rips out the paper and hands it to him. A... phone number? He looks up at the girl again with confusion.

“What's this?”

“If you need to contact me. I’m guessing you don’t have many people to talk to this about” Well she was certainly right about that. “Which reminds me, I haven’t introduced myself yet. I'm Aki Asano, Ultimate Ballet Dancer, third year”

“Name’s Byakuya Togami” He says coldly and Asano makes a sound of surprise.

“Heard of me before?” 

“Y-yes of course, I just didn’t think-”

“-Think what?”

“..Nothing. I was just a little surprised, that's all”

Togami looks at the clock to see that it’s 2pm. He must have been unconscious for a long time because he remembers leaving the classroom somewhere after 10. He places the inhaler and the bottle in his inner pocket and walks towards the door.

“You can call me anytime, I’m always willing to help” Asano says as he’s about to turn the handle.

“..Thank you” The words feel strange and foreign on his tongue. He never thanks people, but he supposes this can be an exception. 

And then the eerie thought suddenly occurs to him: has she been watching him this entire time?


	4. Chapter 4

Togami observes Naegi and Maizono from his seat in the back of the classroom. He didn’t notice that they were a couple at first, but now it’s impossible not to see it. They're not shoving it in everyone's faces, but it’s still clear as day if you pay attention. It’s maybe due to the fact that Maizono isn’t allowed to have any public relationships, her being an idol and all.

It’s so typical for Naegi to fall for someone like her. Talentless commoners like him praise celebrities like gods, admiring their plastic faces and watching their every move. It’s only natural for someone, who is practically the definition of ordinary, to fall for someone higher than him.

But what he doesn’t understand is how  _ she _ fell for  _ him.  _ He’s not special in any way, a boring, plain, good for nothing commoner. And she’s not the only one either. The way Enoshima teases her sister when Naegi is around, how Kirigiri's mask of stone sometimes slips up when she talks to him. They both, much like Maizono, fell for him as well.

And himself too, apparently.

He doesn’t want to acknowledge it, but he knows he can’t hide from it any longer. He has fallen down from his pedestal of pride and into the unknown, shattering himself in the process. 

The commoner boy made attempts at befriending him, and somewhere along the way he gave in. Naegi sees him differently than everyone else does. They are worlds apart, as different as two people can be, yet for some reason that doesn't matter to Naegi. Out of anyone in his class Naegi should be the one who understands him the least, but it turned out to be the opposite. Naegi sees and treats him like his equal. To him, Togami isn’t his family name, he isn't the heir to the Togami corporation, he is just himself. He doesn't want to admit it, but it feels better than it should.

Was that really enough? Was being treated like an actual human being enough to make him feel this way? Is he so starved of affection that even the smallest sign of it makes him crumble completely?

_ God he's pathetic. _

He feels how his chest tightens a little at the thought. Naegi did this to him. Naegi is the reason why there are roses in his lungs, why he can’t breathe, why he’s dying. It’s all Naegi’s fault yet he can’t get mad at him. Togami is himself to blame, he should have never let this happen in the first place.

He can feel the cold bottle against his chest from its place in his inner pocket. He already inhaled his dosage for the day, and Asano has repeatedly warned him from taking any more. __

_ ‘An overdose could kill you' _

It’s been three days since his first encounter with Asano and her cure has been working perfectly so far. The pain has decreased significantly and the coughing isn’t as frequent as it used to be. He’s been attending all his classes and so far no one is suspecting anything, at least not voicing so openly.

Fukawa has been suspicious of him for other reasons though. She saw him exciting Asanos room and has since then been looking at him as if he murdered a child. She probably has the wrong idea, and even the thought of what that might be disgusts him.

Naegi says something, and Togami returns his attention back to him. Maizono leans forward and whispers sometimes to Naegi, and when she's done she plants a small kiss on his cheek. The sight hurts. It feels like there’s a bleeding hole in his heart, like someone is repeatedly stabbing him with a dull knife. Is this what people call heartbreak? Is this feeling of jealousy and despair what one would call so?

He could never have Naegi. 

It hurts. Everything hurts. His lungs, head, heart. It all hurts so incredibly much. And on top of everything he’s been told he will die soon as well. This wasn’t exactly how he imagined his future. Dead in a few years, killed by some mysterious illness no one has heard of. He thinks about the shock the doctors must have after determining his cause of death, the speculations on what might have happened. Murder, suicide, you name it. But no one will find out the truth; that he died from unrequited love. Some twisted part of Togami almost finds it amusing.

He did of course consider seeking help from his father, but quickly decided that wasn't a good option. Sure, the Togami family most likely has contact or can get in contact with one of those 'surgeons', but then he has to tell his father first. Just the thought of exposing this weakness to him is enough to send a wave of anxiety over him. He would rather  _ die _ than proving to his father that he's weak.

So, he has decided that relying on his family is his last option, a plan B of sorts. He will see what Asano can offer him, but in the end if she can't help him, he must turn to his father.

But now, all he can do is sit here and wait. But for what exactly? Wait until Asano by a miracle finds a surgeon? Wait until someone finds out? Wait until the flowers suffocate him from the inside? Until he’s dead?

No. He can’t give up just yet. 

“Hey Toges!” 

His inner monologue is interrupted by Hagakure's unbelievably annoying voice.

“Call be Toges one more time and I won’t hesitate to rip your face off” He hisses and dismissively pushes his glasses back up the bridge of his nose.

“Geez I’m sorry man, no need to get so mad”

“What do you want?” He sighs and cross his arms across his chest.

“Oh, I just didn’t know you and Aki where buddies”

“Who again?”

“That blonde dancer from class 76a!”

“Asano and I aren’t ‘buddies’. How do you even know I’ve been talking to her?’” 

“Oh! I saw her texting you yesterday ya’know”

“Don’t think that she’s my  _ friend _ " Togami snaps, the last word feeling like poison on his tongue. "I only texted her because I needed something from her”

“Ah- you don’t mean...? Man, I didn’t take her for your type” 

“It’s nothing like that”

“I’m not judging man, you do you!” Hagakure says with an obnoxious grin.

“Shut up. I’m losing brain cells just by talking to you”

And with that Togami gets up and walks out of the classroom. He still finds it unbelievable how the clairvoyant even made it into Hope's Peak in the first place. He has even confessed that his predictions are only right 20% of the time, and Togami wouldn't be surprised if it turns out that his IQ is 20% below average as well. He’s so stupid it’s exhausting.

Togami watches as Maizono and Naegi walk together down the hallway. The pain in his chest increases and he needs to hurry back to his room before he has another attack. He can’t risk anyone else seeing him in such a vulnerable state. 

He won’t give up. Everything will turn out okay if he just continues to fight through this.

He won’t let himself just sit around and do nothing.

He won’t give in to despair.

\---

The air feels unnaturally calm, yet full of tension at the same time. It almost feels like the day before a storm, except that it’s more intense. Togami can’t shake the feeling that something terrible is about to happen soon.

Asano has asked him to meet her on the school rooftop to inform him about something. He doesn't understand why they are supposed to meet all the way up here instead of her room, but the view up here is much better than her boy band posters so he doesn’t mind. 

"Hey, Togami!"

He looks up from his book to see an awfully excited Asano run over to him, taking a seat next to him on the bench.

"I'm sorry you had to haul yourself all the way up here. My dorm room is being renovated and I thought we could talk alone up here" She says with an awkward smile.

"You texted me saying you had made an important discovery, what was that?" He says with a sigh and slams his book close. "Don’t waste my time"

"Mm, wait a second" She mumbles as she sticks her hand into her backpack. After a while of looking in there, she turns the backpack upside down in sheer frustration, and a small photograph falls to the ground.

Togami picks up the photograph and glazes over it. It’s a group photo portraying a dozen people of various ages. They're standing outside of what looks like a run-down warehouse, all wearing what appears to be lab coats. On the back of the photo a date and a peculiar looking symbol is scribbled down.

"What is this?" He asks and raises an eyebrow at Asano.

"This is a photo of my grandmother and other members of the secret organisation she was a part of" Asano says and takes out a package of pocky from her backpack. "She had it hung up on a wall in her apartment"

"About that secret organisation, you never told me much about it"

"I honestly don't know much," Asano says between a mouthful of pocky. "I asked her when she was alive but she refused to give me any details"

"But she told you about its existence?"

"Yes, but nothing more than that, she never even revealed it's name. Other than that picture, I have nothing else to go off" She says and scratches the back of her neck "But I thought you might know, do you perhaps recognise the symbol?"

Togami runs his finger over the smudged symbol on the back of the photo. The symbol is made out of five intertwined circles, with a flower right in the middle of them. Although he admits his memory isn’t perfect, he would at least remember seeing it before.

"No, definitely not"

"Well then, it is what it is" She says sounding defeated, giving him a weak smile."I know my grandmother owned a storage unit somewhere. If I get access to it, I might find some clues"

Togami briskly nods, and looks down at the photo again.

"It might be possible for me to find the organisation based on this photo alone." He says and places it in his inner pocket. "I will see what I can do”

"I have to get going, you said not to waste your time, right?" She continues after a brief moment of silence, and stands up.

"I can tolerate your presence, actually"

Asano gives him a wide grin and sits back down. And so they sit there together, enjoying the view, listening to the sound of birds and the chatter of students walking around down in the courtyard, in complete silence. It’s not an uncomfortable silence, but rather a calm one.

Asano tries offering him some pocky, but he declines. She got some  _ nerve _ trying to offer him commoner food, who does she think he is?

A question pops up In Togami’s head, that he has been meaning to ask for a while now. He almost doesn't want to ask, knowing the truth almost feels worse than living in ignorance. But despite his hesitance, he decides to ask her anyway.

"How much time do I have left?"

His words break the comfortable silence they had just shared. 

"If you don’t get your surgery…" She begins but pauses for a moment and looks down at the ground. ".. About a year or so"

Togami can practically feel his heart drop. He had suspected she would say this, but he doesn’t want it to be true. He can’t die, not now, not like this. He won’t let it happen.

"I'm sorry…" Asano whispers and gives him a look of pity and regret.

"No need to apologise. You haven't done anything wrong"

The wind starts catching up, and her golden locks sway in the breeze. It almost feels like she thinks this is somehow her fault, which is far from the case. Without her help, he would have gotten nowhere with this.

“I need to get going” She says at last.

“..Thank you… For everything” He says quietly and Asano gives him a weak smile.

“See you tomorrow then, Togami” 

And with that she leaves him there at the roof. The wind is really starting to catch up now, and a sickly sweet bubblegum scent fills the air. Just as he’s about to leave as well, an ice cold hand on his shoulder turns him around.

There stands Junko Enoshima, and behind her like a shadow stand her sister, Mukuro Ikusaba.

“O-ohmygod, Asano and Togami? I almost can’t believe my eyes!” Enoshima says with an obnoxious giggle. “Did you see this one coming Mukuro?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” He responds flatly.

“Wha-what? That you and Asano are dating of course!” She says as her face splits up in a wide grin.

“Stop with this idiocy. I don’t know what made everyone believe such a-”

“Shhhh.. Togi darling. No need to deny it.” She says with an obnoxiously high pitched voice and puts a finger on his lips. “How long have you two been going out?”

“We haven’t” He hisses and jerks his head away.

“Oh, is that so?” Her expression suddenly changes to something slightly colder, darker, more sinister. “It it perhaps because you have you have laid your eyes on someone else?”

“What exactly are you trying to get out of this conversation?”

“Hm? So you're not denying it then?” She says as her grin only gets wider. “Oh! Am I allowed to guess?”

“No” He says flatly and starts heading towards the door. He only takes a few steps before a cold hand turns him around. She’s standing uncomfortably close, one of her big pigtails brush against his cheek.

“I don’t even need to guess because I already know” 

He tries to take a step back, but when she wraps her arms around his waist he freeze in place. He doesn't know how to react, so he just stands there completely paralysed. Her skin feels like knives against his own, her iron grip claustrophobic, her bubblegum perfume suffocating, and her giggles sound like nails against a blackboard. He has never thought much of Enoshima other than that she’s annoying, but right now the girl terrifies him more than anything.

He tries to fight back, get her off him, but to no use. No matter how much he protests she still holds him back with ease. His body feels much weaker than usual, maybe a side effect of the gas he has been inhaling.

“Get off me you cretin!”

“Don’t think I didn’t notice” She whispers in his ear and he feels her hot breath against his cheek. “I can see how you look at him”

“I said get off!” He tries to bend her arms away but to no use. She tightens her iron grip and her long nails dig into his sides.

“You look at him differently than you look at the rest of us.” Her whisper sounds like knives scraping against porcelain plates and a shiver runs down his spine. “I can see your jealousy Togami”

“Let him go Junko” Ikusaba says with her usual monotone voice.

“I can see your pain, your suffering”

“Junko, didn’t we have things to do?” Ikusaba interrupts with a bored tone.

Enoshima mutters something in response and lets go of her grip. 

Togami runs towards the stairs like a scared rabbit, and almost trips over his feet. Normally he would have stayed and fought back, but right now the thought only makes him shiver. Just ten more seconds in her grip would be enough to break him down completely.

When the door to his room is finally shut behind him, he finds trouble processing what had just happened. His mind is almost completely blank, all he can think of is the sickly sweet bubblegum perfume sticking to his clothes.

What the  _ hell _ was that just now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy to see that this had over 500 hits :) ♡ I never expected anyone to read this and I'm kinda shocked,,,
> 
> I hope you're enjoying the story so far! Have a good day/night ♡


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated the tags; Self Harm, Child abuse.
> 
> The themes are not super graphic but if it makes you uncomfortable i suggest you stop reading.

Togami inspects at himself in the mirror. Sickly pale skin, dark circles, sunken eyes. He looks like a ghost, and people have been annoying enough to point it out. His legs tremble under him as he grips the edge of the sink, desperately fighting to not collapse.

He’s in a bathroom in a conference building somewhere in New York. He has been trying to avoid this business trip as much as possible, but his father had insisted and therefore he had no choice. The next meeting will take several hours and if something happens during it he… 

He doesn’t even want to think about it.

With shaky hands he takes out the inhaler and spins the lid. He already took his dosage for the day, and he knows the dangers of taking another one, but the other alternative is worse. The gas fills his lungs, the pain decreases and his breath slowly becomes steadier. It currently feels alright, but he know the dissiness will start to creep in a few hours. He just needs to make sure he’s sitting down when that happens. He can’t get another attack, but he can’t allow himself to faint either.

He takes out his phone and the screen lights up to reveal a new text from Asono. 

_“i got access to a storage unit my grandmother used to own. i found a notebook that contains some stuff that might be useful, but i can’t figure out what it says. i think this is latin??? it’s hard to tell”_

Attached to her text are a few pictures of said book. The cover is unbleached, the pages wrinkled and the ink smudged in some places. It’s definitely Latin, but it’s written with such sloppy handwriting it just looks like random scribbles. Togami isn’t entirely fluent in the language, and the handwriting surely doesn't help, but he is able to make out a few words. The texts mention something about a “ _Flower disease_ ”, and photos of flower petals are glued to the pages.

He will take a better look at these later, right now isn’t the time. He texts a quick thank you back to Asano and turns off his phone. He takes one last look at himself in the mirror, pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose, and corrects his tie. He needs to walk out of here before his father suspects anything, as he’s been in here for way too long already.

He takes a few deep breaths and tries to calm himself down. It’s only a couple of hours, then he can return to the hotel suite and get some rest. He'll be back in Tokyo by tomorrow night, he will manage until then. He is under no circumstances allowed to have an attack or faint during this trip, he needs to remember that.

With legs shaking, room spinning, and black dots dancing in front of his eyes, he walks out of the bathroom.

He’s not allowed to mess this up.

\---

In the end, it turns out fine.

The meeting went smoothly, he didn't mess up and no one suspected a thing. Although, he will admit he focused more on that instead of the actual meeting. But he supposes that didn't really matter, since his father did the majority of the talking. 

Now back at the hotel, they stand outside the elevator in silence, patiently waiting as it lowers down. His father isn't very fond of small talk, and only speaks when it's really necessary. If it's something his father has taught him, it is that you shouldn't waste your words. If you want something said, then get to the point.

He’s still confused as to why his father insisted he should come, as this business trip was nothing out of the ordinary. Demanding Togami should skip school just to come with him isn’t like him at all, as his father prioritises his son’s education. It’s just a few days, but Togami can’t shake the feeling that his father has an alternative motive with demanding his company. After all, it’s been quite some time since they've met.

The elevator doors slide open, and the two men step inside. As the doors close behind them a wave of nausea hits him, and he sways a little at his feet. He quickly places his hand on the wall as the elevator sets in motion, to prevent falling over. As the elevator takes them up, he can practically feel his father's judging eyes burn in the back of his neck. A different kind of nausea creeps over him and he suddenly feels awfully self conscious. He turns around slowly, careful not to sway again, to meet his father's piercing glare.

His father's features are covered in a mask of stone, with no trace of emotion left to be seen. His eyes are drilling through Togami’s soul, cracking his mind open, and letting him peel though layers upon layers of his facade. When he gives people that look it can only mean one thing; that you're being judged of your worth.

The elevator suddenly feels claustrophobic, walls feeling like they’re about to cave in, air suddenly so heavy and suffocating. Maybe it's just the disease, but it almost feels like it is his father who is sucking the energy out of him. He shoots a glance at the elevator door, watching as they pass by the 9th floor.

9th floor? God this elevator moves at such a snail pace.

His father's expression hardens once again, making another wave of anxiety hit him like a brick. His father is the only person to which he feels inferior, and his father knows it. _He_ _knows it damn well_. Togami's aware of how he might look right now, sickly, scared, _weak_. His father is going to think less of him now, he's sure of it. God he can’t take this right now. Now when he risks fainting any second, now when every breath he takes feels like knives twisting in his lungs. He can’t take it. _Can't take it can’t take it can’t take it ca-_

_17th floor._ More than halfway there. Just a little longer.

Somewhere deep down, he knows this is just another one of his father's games. A test. Despite knowing this, he has lost all logical and reasonable train of thought. He feels like a child again, 11 years old, hiding his fear under his father's judging eyes. This is what his father wants, and he’s giving it right to him. He's _losing_ \- he-

\---

_"Byakuya" His father's voice echoes through the nearly empty room._

_His heart is beating so fast it feels like it's about to rip out of his chest. He already knows what he's about to say. He saw it, didn’t he?_

_"Yes?"_

_"Show me"_

_Togami remains silent, only stares at his father in an attempt to look confused._

_"You hands. Don't act stupid"_

_After a moment of hesitation, he takes his left hand out of his pocket._

_"And the other one"_

_Carefully, Togami takes his right hand out as well, and shows it to him. His father inspects his torn and bloody hands, twisting and turning it to a point where it hurts._

_"What is this?" His father asks and moves his fingers along his bruised knuckles. "You did this to yourself?"_

_Togami bites his tongue and looks down at the ground._

_"Answer me" His father's voice almost sounds empty, and if Togami didn't know better he wouldn't have noticed the heavy demand laying under his words._

_"I.. I did"_

_Before Togami knows it, a cold hand meets his skin with a loud smack, and a burning pain spreads across his face. He takes his hand to his cheek, and before he has time to react he gets slapped once again. As tears start forming in the back of his eyes his father's lips twist into a smirk._

_"You really are weaker than I thought"_

_\---_

Togami snaps back into reality as the elevator comes to a stop on the 30th floor. As soon as the doors open up, he hurries out a little to fast for it not to look suspicious. He fumbles after their room key in his pocket, sweaty and shaky hands struggling to grasp onto the metal object. When he finally fishes up the key, black dots start dancing over his vision and he misses the keyhole.

"You're in quite the hurry" 

Togami can almost feel the soul leaving his body at his father words. He was acting way too suspicious, of course his father was going to notice something sooner or later.

"Is something the matter?" His father continues and walks up to him.

"No, why?" Togami manages to say with the most unmoved tone he can muster.

"I've noticed you look rather sick" His father's says with a tone that almost sound _caring_. He walks up to Togami and lays a hand on his shoulder. "How are you feeling, Byakuya?"

Talk about _bullshit_. Togami’s thought is surprisingly bitter. This is just another one of his father’s mind games, pretending like he cares and showing sudden signs of affection. Togami is not a child anymore, he is old enough to to notice his manipulative tactics. 

_His father has always been stone cold, inside out_.

"It's nothing. I'm just tired" He replies and inserts the key with a loud click. "Don’t disturb me later, I won’t be joining you for dinner tonight."

And before his father gets to respond, he dashes into their suite. On shaky legs he makes his way towards his room, slams the door shut behind him, and collapses onto the bed. His entire body feels numb yet aching at the same time, he is beyond what he would consider exhaustion. It almost feels like if he closes his eyes they would never open. 

The room is peaceful and quiet, only the sounds of his own breaths accompanying him. He will have to wake up early tomorrow, so the sooner he falls asleep the better. With that in mind, he tries his best to fall asleep. Which is easier said than done, considering the blinding daylight that seeps into the room from behind the curtains. Despite that his body is screaming for rest, his brain can't seem to calm down. 

Falling asleep wasn't as easy as he thought it would be, apparently.

After an awful lot of twisting and turning in his sheets, he sits up. He suddenly remembers that he hasn't looked into those photos Asano sent him earlier, and reaches for his phone. As he unlocks his phone he sees that Asano has sent him yet another text with three pictures attached.

_'i also found these photos and drawings. i think this could be instructions on how to perform the surgery! i can't read what it says but the scars look identical to mine'_

The pictures are of even more book pages, the same bleached and dusty paper and sloppy handwriting covering them. They are filled with detailed drawings depicting different internal organs, drawings and texts describing how to dissect said organs, and photographs. The photographs are taken of peoples bare chests and the scars running across them. The scars are indeed similar to the ones on Asano, but look newer and more raw. Togami zooms in and tries to read what the text says, but it’s nearly impossible. But this is still a great discovery! With this they are one step closer to their main goal, which is better than nothing. 

He sends a text back to Asano, asking her to bring her discoveries to school tomorrow and suggests that they can meet up in the morning. A spark of hope ignites in Togami’s chest, and he can fall asleep with ease knowing that things will only get better from now on.

  
  


**_If only he had known how wrong he was._ **

_\---_

_He punches the wall, over and over again. It hurts. It hurts so much but he can’t bring himself to stop. He will continue until he stops shaking. Until he doesn’t feel weak._

_He doesn’t know what he's feeling anymore. Sadness? Fear? In the end it doesn't matter, they are all the same. All he know is that he would much rather be in pain than feel what he's currently feeling._

_It isn't until the white wallpaper gets stained with blood that he finally takes a step back and realises what he's doing._

_He really is pathetic._

_\---_

Togami is pacing back and forth in the empty hallway, impatiently waiting for Asano to show up. They had agreed over text to meet up here before school starts, so that she could show him the documents she found earlier. Togami even brought a Latin-Japanese lexicon with him for the occasion and is more than ready to decipher the texts. But she's already 35 minutes late, and Togami is losing his patience by the second. Asano has never been late to any of their meetings, so why is she suddenly taking so long? He could dismiss it as nothing, maybe she is just oversleeping, it's early in the morning after all. Yet he can’t shake the feeling that something else is up.

The library is almost never empty in the morning, there are always a handful of students gathering books and staff running in and out of the archive, but now it’s complete empty. Not a single soul is to be seen. Maybe it's nothing, but he still feels like he’s missing something. Something important.

Togami gently opens the door to hallway, only to find it completely empty as well. He knows for a fact that this hallway is usually packed with students in the morning, as he elbows his way through it everyday. Why is no one here? It’s not Sunday is it? He takes out his phone and looks at the date to see that it’s Friday. It’s Friday morning, lessons haven't started yet, and nobody is here. 

He feels the panic slowly starting to crawl over him as he frantically looks around, opening doors to empty classrooms and labs. When he has confirmed that there is nobody on the second floor he heads up the stairs. He underestimated how difficult it would be to run, the room spinning around him and legs almost giving up. Togami let out a sigh of relief when he realises that the third floor isn't empty, a large group of students are gathered in front of the windows, among them a few of his classmates. Naegi notices his arrival and gestures at him to come closer.

"Togami, where have you been all this time?" Naegi asks and looks out of the window.

"Business trip to New York. I was only gone for two nights" He responds and looks at his classmates in confusion. They are all pressed up against the window, looking at something that Togami can’t see. 

"Oh… It felt much longer than that, so much has happened in such a short amount of time" Naegi says and gives him a weak smile.

"What happened? I think I'm missing something here"

His classmates turn around and look at him in disbelief. They exchange looks with each other that resemble pity, and Togami doesn't like it in the slightest.They know something he doesn't know. Something he is _supposed_ to know.

"You...you don't… know?" Asahina quietly asks and scratches the back of her neck. "Like at all?"

"No. And judging by your reaction I'm supposed to?" He says and looks around the crowd who are now all facing him. Asahina and Oogami exchange a glance and Oogami steps aside, giving Togami a space to look out the window.

"Just...see for yourself" Oogami mumbles and Togami looks down at the courtyard.

The sight is nothing like he ever imagined.

There are hundreds of people gathered outside the gates of the academy, waving placards with messages like _'we are not slaves to the elite_ ' and ' _down with Hopes Peak'._ Some people are attempting to climb over the fence, but quickly gets pushed down by security. 

"What is this?" He asks and looks up at Oogami. "What is happening?"

And thus the explanation of the protest begins, and it's nothing like he could've ever imagined. Asahina explains everything, about the massacre, the reserve course, and the human experiments that has been taken place behind the academy's walls. One of those human experiments, a person who now possess every talent imaginable, murdered all of the student council in cold blood. The video footage was leaked to the reserve course, which was the beginning of the protests. It's sickening and Togami almost doesn't believe it, but it’s the truth. The reserve course are protesting, and rightfully so. He can’t say he would have done it differently. It turns out the entire school has been a research lab this entire time, that everything has been a cover up for them to hide what's really going on.

Togami is so caught up on what's happening outside that he almost doesn't realise when he starts coughing up petals. He walks away from the crowd, quietly throwing them up in his hands. Every cough feels like a stab wound in his chest, every petal feels like sharp metal on his tongue. It's only a tint of iron, so little it's barely noticeable, but it's definitely there.

_The taste of blood_.

He opens his hands and there, in the middle of his palms, lay the petals stained in red.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have 7 possibly 8 chapters planned for this fic btw. Also if you expect this to have any fluff I'm so sorry-


	6. Chapter 6

_It's been a year since The Tragedy, and when their isolation at Hope's Peak academy began._

Everything changed to suddenly, in just a day the entire country fell crumbling down. No one knows exactly why or how it happened, suddenly one day there were riots in the streets, politicians and figure heads assassinated, terrorism, and mass hysteria. The despair spread like a disease. It almost feels unrealistic, like something out of a book or a movie. God, Togami wish that was true. He want to wake up one day to realise that everything was just a bad nightmare. But it isn't a nightmare, it's the reality that he know have to live in.

He remembers everything in exact detail. The sound of an explosion, life drenching screams, and the sound of guns firing in the distance. His class managed to lock themselves in the basement of the old school building. They waited in fear, sooner or later the building was surely going to blow up. But it never did. The distant explosions stopped and the screams eventually died out. Even when everything seemed to have calmed down up there they didn't dare to walk up. They patiently waited for the police, but the police never came.

It took them way too long to realise what had happened outside, and by then the destruction had already been done. The sight Togami encountered when they walked up from their hiding is one that he will never forget. There was blood. Blood everywhere. Limp bodies laid scattered across the corridors like thrown awayed dolls. The majority of them where already dead, and the ones that weren't, died shortly after they were found. There was one boy that Togami remembers in particular. He had stabbed himself with a glass shard more than 10 times and was still breathing when they found him. 

Seeing the life drain out of someone's eyes is something you will never forget.

When the news reached Togami it was already too late. His father was dead. His brothers and sisters were dead. It was too late.

The Togami Corporation had fallen into the ashes.

He didn't want to believe it at first. The Togami family would never fall so easily. It just couldn't. So he had to see it for himself, despite headmaster Kirigiri's orders to stay inside. Some other students wanted to see if they could find their families as well, and they decided to team up. He, Naegi and Kuwata made their way outside, into the chaos. Kuwata stole a car and drove them though the city, past destroyed buildings, burning cars, and brutal riots. They eventually got stuck in a riot and the stolen car ran out of fuel. It was impossible to get through the packed crowd and they had to return to the school, empty handed. They barely escaped with their lives.

They decided that barricading themselves in the school building was their safest option. They agreed to stay inside here with headmaster Kirigiri until it became safe outside, potentially their entire lives. No one refused. Because what did they have out there? All of their families were dead. 

And when he helped seal one of the windows shut, he thought he could identify Asano as one of the corpses outside. It might not have been her, but Togami had to reconcile with the chance that she had survived was minimal.

_And there went his last hope. His only way of finding a cure was gone._

And now, Togami is nothing. His entire world, everything he had fought so hard to obtain, had crumbled under his eyes. Without the Togami Corporation he is nobody, he is no longer above everyone else, he is no longer looked up to by anyone. He had dedicated his entire life to win his place at the throne, suffered and fought his way to his father's approval, only for it no not matter in the end. But now his father is dead. Nothing matters anymore. _He_ doesn't matter anymore.

_He will die soon anyway, Togami Corporation or not._

The disease has gradually been getting worse, and there is not much of the medicine left. His inevitable death is creeping closer and closer. But he is not scared, in fact he is almost relieved. Soon his suffering will come to an end, and he is welcoming the afterlife with open arms. Not that he necessarily believes in the afterlife. He has never given much thought at religion and likes to call himself an atheist, but he wants to believe there is at least _something_ waiting for him once he passes away. _Something better than this._

Togami takes out the inhaler from his desk drawer. He has almost gotten used to the taste of blood now, as it constantly lingers on the back of his tongue, impossible to wash away. He doesn't cough as frequently as he did in the very beginning but when he do, the pain is unbearable. He sighs and takes a deep inhale of the gas. It's just as easing as usual, Like a knot is being united in his chest.

Togami rarely leaves his room anymore and spend the majority of his days sleeping. He only goes out when it's absolutely necessary, to go get books from the library and bring food to his room. But he never spends time with his classmates. In the beginning they tried to drag him out to join them, but they almost never bother anymore. He was never interested in hanging out with them before The Tragedy, so why would he start now? The more time he spends with them, the harder it will be to hide his secret. It would be better to tell someone, but a little voice inside his head is telling him to keep his mouth shut. _No one can know how weak he really is._

His gaze wanders across the room and lands on the violin hanging on his wall. It was a gift from his mother, given to him on his 8th birthday. It isn't a very refined or expensive item, but it is still a treasure he holds dearly. He plays many instruments, but the violin has always been special to him.

Togami takes the instrument to his neck and begins playing. He closes his eyes and lets his mind drift away into old memories, and a sense of melancholy nostalgia hits him. No notes are needed, as this piece is one he knows by heart.

\---

_Togami watches as his mother gracefully dances across the floor. From the gramophone a beautiful song plays, it's melody echoing in the big and empty ballroom. It's one of his mother's favourites._

_"I like this song. I want to learn it" Togami mumbles to himself and looks at the new violin case in his lap._

_His mother turns around and smiles at him, and for the first time in Togami’s life it seems like she’s truly happy. It makes Togami glad._

_"Come on, Byakuya," She says and takes his wrist. "Dance with me!"_

_"I don't like to dance" He frowns, but she has already dragged him up from the bench._

_His mother picks him up with ease and swings him around. Togami closes his eyes and listens to the song. If he learns how to play it, maybe his mother will be happy like this more often._

_His mother spins around in her heels and trips over, taking Togami with her in the fall. They hit the ground and slide across the slippery wooden floor. They both stare at each other for a moment, neither quite sure what happened._

_And then they both burst into laughter._

_It's just the two of them here. No one is watching. Not his father, not his siblings, no one._

_It's just the two of them, and for a moment they can be happy._

_\---_

The final note fades out, and Togami opens his eyes. A soft clapping comes from behind him and he turns around, meeting the eyes of the boy who's standing at his doorstep.

"That was beautiful, Togami!" Naegi exclaims." I didn’t know you could play"

"Well now you know" Togami hisses in response, trying to hide how startled he his by Naegi’s sudden presence. "More importantly, how and why did you get in here?"

"Oh, I just- y-your door was open a little and I heard your from the corridor and... I decided to check on you" Naegi says nervously and scratches his cheek.

Togami wants to shout at Naegi to leave him alone, but he can’t bring himself to. Instead he just sighs and hangs the violin back on the wall.

"I am worried, you know? We all are" Naegi says and lays a hand on Togami’s shoulder. He instinctively flinch at the touch and Naegi quickly pulls away. "Sorry- I just… You barely come out of your room anymore and I.."

Togami zones out as his chest tightens. The longer Naegi stands there, the more it hurts and he can barely handle it anymore. The familiar iron taste lingers in the back of his mouth and he swallows it down. It feels like someone is tickeling his throat with a feather, and that he's about to throw up at _any_ moment now. _Any moment now, any momen-_

"I care about you Togami. I really do."

Togami snaps back into reality and turns to look Naegi in the eyes. He really is too good for this world. Togami doesn't deserve his kindness. He doesn't deserve it, yet he wants it so badly. His heart _aches._ He loves Naegi so much it _hurts_.

_Hurts a lot, actually_. His lungs are being squeezed out of oxygen and the inevitable attack too strong to hold back much longer. With the last of his strength he pulls himself together, his mask of ice slipping back on to his face.

_He doesn’t want to hurt Naegi, but he has to._

"Leave me alone. And get out of my room" He says with as much spite as he can manage. Naegi stares at him in shock. "I don't want to see you"

"Togami, I-"

"Out. Now!" He roars, and he doesn’t turn around until he hears Naegi’s light footsteps walk towards the door.

"Well then. We are at the pool later today if you want to come" Naegi says with a failed attempt to hide his sadness, before closing the door behind him.

Togami falls onto his knees as the blood stained petals come up. His lungs hurt, but his heart hurt even more. He didn't want to hurt Naegi. Yet that’s exactly what he just did. 

_And he hates himself for it_.

\---

Togami is in the library when the lights suddenly go out.

He had managed to sneak upstairs without Fukawa following him, and was all alone when it happened. The lights go out frequently and he should have thought better than to go without a flashlight. And now he is stuck in a pitch black room. Which doesn’t bother him as much as it probably should. He doesn’t even bother trying to find the door, instead crawling into a corner and just listening to the sound of his own breaths. The dark feels strangely welcoming. Like a dear friend you’ve been reunited with, after long and painful years being apart.

He is probably going mad, Togami thinks as he realises what he’s doing. He is just too tired and exhausted to even care. He rarely cares about anything anymore. It’s like all of his dignity and self control is seeping away like sand in his fists. But he has the book he was looking for and should go back to his room to get some rest. What if someone finds him here? Sitting in the corner of a library submerged in darkness, with his knees tucked to his chest like a child?

He doesn't have to think about it much longer until the library door behind him creeks open.

A yellow light spreads across the room and light feet walk into the library.

“Ah- Togami! God I didn’t see you there- You almost gave me a heart attack” The familiar melodic voice gasps. Just the sound of her voice is enough to spark Togami's irritation. He turns his head to see the blue haired singer with a burning candle in her hand. 

“Um, are you okay?” Maizono asks and meets his piercing glare. The silver necklace she is wearing shines in the light to the burning candle. Togami still remembers the day she showed up with it around her neck. Naegi gave it to her. 

“Chihiro managed to help Hiro and Leon find some of their family members. They are contacting them right now” she continues excitedly and sits down next to him. “Hey… I understand how ýou must feel right now. I felt the same way when I couldn’t find the friends in my band. That feeling that you’ve lost everything that has meaning in life”

Togami closes his eyes and turns his head way. He doesn’t want to hear what she has to say. 

“But there is still hope. I don’t know if my friends are dead or not. They are hopefully together, safe and sound, in some shelter place. The same might go for your family as well. They might be safe.”

She doesn't understand. She has _the only thing_ that Togami wants.

“We are _not_ the same” Togami snaps back at her. “You will _never_ understand how I feel! Your petty little band is nothing compared to the pain and suffering I had to endure to get to the position that I was in, only to lose everything in front of my eyes!”

He is practically boiling with anger now. _She is personally_ standing in the way of the only thing Togami wants . And she has some fucking _nerve_ to tell him that she ‘ _understands’_ how he feels.

“The fact that you have the audacity to talk to me like this baffles me. You don’t know anything about me!” 

“Maybe not, but I was just trying to be sympathetic! I thought you would feel happier if you could think that your family was in safety!” 

“You know what? I don’t care if my family _‘is in safety_ ’. I actually hope they’re not. And I really, really hope your pathetic little friends aren’t either!”

“You take that back!” Maizono shouts. She flings to her feet and stands in front of him. Tears are filling up her eyes. “We have been worried about you! We have shown you nothing but kindness and sympathy! But as soon as you open your mouth you are just- just-”

Maizono goes silent when she sees the person who is standing at the door behind him. Togami's heart almost freezes when he turns around and realizes who it is. Naegi’s look of hurt and disappointment says everything.

He listened this whole time.

“Come Sayaka. He’s just being difficult” Naegi says and takes her hand. Naegi shoots him one last glance before shutting the door, leaving the room in complete darkness once again.

Togami wants to run after them, fall on his knees, and beg for forgiveness. But he doesn’t move a millimeter. Naegi hates him now. He has hurt Naegi so many times before but this must’ve been the last drop. He fucked up and now Naegi will never forgive him. Togami saw that look on his face. An apology won’t be enough.

Togami crawls back into his corner and rests his face to his knees. He hears a few quiet sobs, and it takes him a moment to realize that they are his own. Tears roll down his cheeks like tiny pearls of rain across a window. The salt water feels foreign on his skin, like it has forgotten what it feels like.

He hasn’t cried since his mother died. That was five years ago.

Togami’s mind feels like a thick fog. All of his logical thoughts blend together until there is nothing but one feeling left. And he lets himself feel that way. There is no use in keeping it bottled up anymore. Because no one is here to see him. Not his father, not his siblings, no one.

He is all alone in the dark, and for a moment he can let his tears all out.

_“You really are weaker than I thought”_

Togami jumps at the sound of his father's voice echoing all around him. Just when he thought he was finally alone, finally free of his grip, he is still here. Holding Togami in his iron grip, squeezing him until he can’t breathe, and digging his nails into Togami's skin until it leaves crescent bruises. Even after his father’s death, Togami isn’t free.

_“Look at yourself. Weeping like a toddler when you think nobody’s looking. I am looking, I am constantly watching over your every move”_

“Get out. You shouldn’t be here” Togami sobs. He can’t bear this any longer. His father is supposed to be dead. Togami is supposed to be free.

_“You tried to hide it, but I always knew who you really where”_

He only wanted his fathers approval. He wanted to be strong and cruel just like his father wanted. He wanted to be a winner, and so he won.

“ _But you were just like your mother”_

“Stop it! Stop it!” He screams and cover his ears with his hands. “Stop it! Please...”

“ _Byakuya?”_

_“_ Yes..?” He responds, carefully removing his hands. He can feel his father's presence. His father’s ice cold eyes drilling into his neck. 

_“You are weak”_

The coughs feel unbearably painful this time. The taste of iron feels thick in his mouth as he throws up in his hands, the warm liquid dripping down on his clothes. Even though he can’t see anything in the dark, he knows everything is covered in blood.

“I know...”

Suddenly the lights turn back on. But his father is nowhere to be seen.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: NOO you can't just write angst people want fluff in their fics!!1!
> 
> Writer brain: haha angst go brrr


	7. Chapter 7

Togami takes out the glass bottle from his inner pocket and inspects it. The bottle of mysterious substance Asano had given to him a year prior is almost empty now. _Both a magic cure, and a deadly poison_. There isn’t much of the liquid left rippling at the bottom, but it’s still enough. 

_“You’re thinking about it, right?”_

His father's voice echoes from all around him. He doesn’t want to leave Togami alone, and insists on haunting him to no end. He is tired- No, angry at his father. Somehow this is all his fault. He is somehow responsible for the disease, the flowers, and his suffering. His father has always been hovering over his life, watching his every move, judging every action. 

Locking him up in a cage of gold, convincing him that it is paradise.

_“You will end it right here, right now”_

But a cage of gold is still a cage, and Togami is the dying bird laying at the bottom of it. The bird that grew up to believe that emotion makes one weak. The bird who was never told that emotion is what makes one alive. The bird no one fed. 

What happens when a dying bird falls in love?

“Go away. Get out of my head” He whispers for what feels like the millionth time. 

_“It will be easy, just open the lid and take a sip. Let the poison eat you up from the inside”_

The dark brown bottle feels cold against his hands. _‘An overdose could kill you’._ Asano’s old words linger in the back of his head, feeling so threatening yet tempting at the same time. His father is right, he has thought about it. And he has made his decision.

“I won’t do it” He responds firmly and tightens the grip around the bottle.

_“Why? Are you scared of death?”_

His father's voice is empty, but Togami can still hear the underlying mockery in his words. It was always like this. Humiliating him into submission, making him question himself and wanting nothing but his father's approval. Togami won’t let his father manipulate him again. 

So for the first time in his life, Togami dares stand up against him.

"No, I'm not" Togami says and places the bottle on the desk in front of him. “I want to live until the very end”

The energy in the room suddenly thickens, the air almost feeling electric against his skin. He has made his father angry.

_"You have nothing to live for anymore, you know that. There is no reason to lie."_

Togami doesn't respond. His father is right, he doesn’t have anything to live for. There is no need to protest, yet that's exactly what he wants to do. He doesn’t want to submit to his father, he never has. And now he can finally say no.

“I’m not taking orders from you any longer” 

He instantly regrets his words, as he feels a pair of cold fingers caressing his neck.

_“You should know better than to disobey me”_

His father says with venom dripping from every word. His ice cold hands wrap around Togami's neck, strangling him in an iron grip. His chest starts to ache from the lack of oxygen, and he can feel the roses scraping at the inside of his lungs. 

“ I..C-can’t-” Togami gasps under his hitched breath. “Can’t- B...Breathe-”

_“Weakling”_

His father hisses in his ear. His grip suddenly tightens, digging his long nails into Togami's throat, before letting go completely. Togami gasps for air, which soon turns into unavoidable coughing. The bitter flower taste fills his mouth and he throws up a mixture of red and roses. Blood soaked petals cover his desk, and the warm liquid seeps down his chin and onto his clothes. It feels like he’s being stabbed over and over, and it almost looks like that’s what's happened as well.

The sudden sound of the doorbell ringing makes Togami fall out of his chair, he frantically grasps for something to hold him upright and sweeps with his arms to his desk in panic. He hits the floor with a loud thud, and after it comes the sound of glass breaking. Togami's heart almost stops as he realizes the origin of the sound. The brown bottle lays shattered across the floor, the familiar overwhelming smell filling the air, and it’s liquid soaking into the carpet. 

Togami utters a few incoherent sounds that are supposed to resemble a scream. He holds his breath as he crawls over to the shards and in desperation, trying to save the only thing that is keeping him alive. But it’s in vain. The bottle has broken into hundreds of pieces. His only remaining lifeline has been cut.

The doorbell rings again, and this time it’s followed by a voice.

“Togami? Are you in there?” Naegi says through the door.

It appears that Togmai forgot to close it completely yesterday, as the doors are supposed to be soundproof. With the help of the desk’s edge, he manages to stand up on his feet. The world spins around him and he sways at his feet. On unsteady legs he slowly walks towards the door, which seems to be further away the closer he walks towards it. Finally, after what feels like an eternity, he lays his hand on the door handle. _Naegi is here to confront him.._ He thinks as he turns the handle. _Naegi hates him._

The brown haired boy awaits him on the other side. Naegi is a person that always greets you with a smile, but this time a smile is nowhere to be seen. He looks Togami dead in the eyes with a frown. Togami has never seen him this angry and disappointed before, and it's almost frightening. _It hurts. It hurts a lot._

"I want to talk to you" Naegi says firmly and clenches his jaw. Naegi’s expression reeks of forced composure, and Togami can tell that the other boy is trying his best not to shout at him.

Togami gulps and closes the door behind himself. They're alone in the dark hallway, but the risk of someone overhearing is high. Still, it's better than letting Naegi into his room where the overwhelming and possibly toxic scent is still lingering in the air.

"I want you to tell me something, Togami" Naegi begins and glares at him. "I want you to tell me why. Why are you like this? Why do you constantly feel the need to put others down, even when they show you sympathy and affection?"

Two years ago he would have made some witty remark about his classmates status in the social hierarchy, but now things are different. Because he’s used to it? Because it makes it easier to push people away from his life? Togami doesn’t know how to respond, because he doesn’t know the answer himself.

“Are you aware? Are you aware of the pain you’re causing others” Naegi closes his eyes and lowers his voice. “The pain you’re causing me?”

Togami's heart shatters in a million pieces. He is aware. And he will never forgive himself for it.

Togami opens his mouth to say something but quickly closes it again when he realizes that Naegi is staring at his chest. He quickly looks down at his white shirt, which is stained with his own blood. He had completely forgotten about this, or, well, maybe he didn’t care enough. There is no reason to keep it a secret anymore.

“You’re hiding something, right?” Naegi looks up at him, and this time all the anger has been washed away and replaced with worry. 

Togami thinks this is the moment he’s supposed to tell Naegi everything. About the disease, the flowers, and his feelings. It feels right, but he doesn’t know where to start. What if Naegi doesn’t believe him?

"I'm...There's something I've wanted to tell you" He begins and locks eyes with Naegi one more time. He has to tell him, it's now or never. "I've wanted to tell you for a while actually"

"What is it?"

"It's just… I…" Togami mumbles and blinks the tears out of his eyes. "I've been sick"

Togami reaches into his pocket and takes out a handful of petals. The roses that were once pure and white have now been stained with his own blood. He opens his palm and shows the petals to Naegi, who carefully looks at them.

"Have you heard of the Hanahaki Disease?" 

Naegi’s eyes shut wide open, and Togami can practically see when the puzzle pieces fall together in his head. First the confusion, then the realization, and then the fear. He doesn't need to say anything else for Naegi to connect the dots, the boy is far from stupid.

“Hanahaki Disease” Naegi whispers and stares blankly into Togami’s open palm. “A condition that makes the patient's lungs fill up with flowers, which they proceed to cough up until they suffocate from the inside”

Togami doesn’t need to say anything else. Naegi has already connected the dots.

“A disease that is said to be caused by unrequited love" Naegis continues, and their eyes meet for a brief moment that feels like forever, before Togami tears away.

It feels like a hundred tons have been lifted off his chest, but it still isn’t enough. There's only one thing left he needs to say, then, after all this time, he can finally be at peace. It's only three words, yet they feel so distant from anything he has ever said before.

Neagi says something in the distance that Togami can’t hear, as he stumbles backwards and hits his back against the wall. Black dots dance in front of his eyes and the world warps around him like rippling water.

The words linger on his tongue, like they’re about to slip out at any moment . He wants to say it, he really does, but he can’t bring himself to open his mouth.

His legs give up under him and he slides down to the floor. A thick fog spreads in his mind and blurs out the line between consciousness and dream. He hears Naegi screaming from somewhere, but he can’t tell what he's saying. It all feels so far away from reality.

_It shouldn't be that hard_ , he thinks and tries to take a deep breath. He has to say it. He _needs_ to say it.

Naegi shouts his name, and Togami can make out the shape of his face above him. 

His entire body has gone numb, and he can barely feel the pain in his chest anymore. He wonders if this is how it feels to die.

_"Naegi I..."_

He tries to focus his eyes on the boy, but the fog in his mind only grows thicker. His eyelids finally fall shut, and he drifts into unconsciousness.

_I love you_.

\---

_Togami had won. He almost can’t believe it himself. It feels so strange, so unreal. He’s Byakuya Togami, heir to the Togami Corporation. No, it doesn’t even sound right when he says it._

_“All I ever wanted was to make you proud”_

_His mother looks at him with watery eyes and smiles. She looks a lot worse than the last time he visited her. Her arms are nothing more than skin and bones, her cheeks are hollow, her hair even thinner, and her skin dull and grey._

_“I was already proud of you Byakuya”_

_Tears roll down his cheeks and he pulls her into a tight hug. It’s so unfair. She can’t leave him. Not now. Not like this._

_\---_

When Togami wakes up he doesn’t understand where he is. He opens his eyes, but quickly closes them again when his eyes are hit with a blinding white light. He tries to recall what had happened, but his memory feels blurry. The last thing he remembers was talking to Naegi, but he must’ve fainted. 

Still, that doesn’t explain the situation he’s currently in, or how he got here. He’s laying bare chested on a bench of sorts, and his body is restrained by tightly bound ropes. It takes him a minute to fully realize what is happening, and his confusion gets replaced by fear. In panic he tries to crawl out of his restraints, but the ropes firmly hold him in place. He slowly opens his eyes, and the bright lamp shines above his face. He blinks a few times in an attempt to get used to the light, and looks around.

The room is engulfed in darkness and it’s shape and furniture are hard to distinguish without his glasses. The only thing that gives him the slightest idea of where he is are the faint smells lingering in the air. Rubbing alcohol, medicine, and the disgustingly clean smell a hospital has. Or rather, the school's infirmary.

“If this is supposed to be a joke it isn’t very funny” Togami tries to say with confidence, but it just sounds pathetic.

Suddenly the faint sound of giggling echoes through the room, and Togami turns his head around to locate the sound.

“Show yourself!”

A familiar bubblegum scent fills the room, high heels clink against the stone floor, and his stomach twists with unease. He always feels sick when he’s around her. He’s never been able to describe it, but there’s something off putting about the girl.

“ Well, well, well! Look who’s finally awake!” Enoshima giggles, and steps into the light of the lamp above him. She’s wearing a white coat, and a small nurse’s hat is placed on her head. She looks at him with delight, almost like a child walking into a candy store. “You look awful”

“What is happening? I demand an explanation right this instant!” Togami hisses and rattles at the restraints “And get me out of here!”

“I’ve known about your disease this entire time, ya’know” Enoshima says with her sickly sweet tone, completely ignoring his previous question. “Never thought you’d fall for Luck Boy out of all people. He’s waaay out of your league”

“What do you want from me?” Togami says. His demanding tone is practically instinctive. 

“Oh, I don’t want anything from you” Enoshima says with an overly exaggerated, squeaky voice, and opens a drawer to take out a book. “I’m here to help you, silly!”

The light shines on the book, and Togami sees the symbol carved into its cover. It’s the same symbol he had seen a year ago on the rooftop with Asano. The symbol of Aano’s grandmother's organisation. His only hope of finding a cure. 

“Where did you get that?” 

“Oh, this old thing? A little bird flew by and dropped it on my lap” Enoshima says and flips through the pages “Asano was such a useful girl, she did everything I told her”

Enohimas smile suddenly fades and she looks Togami dead in the eyes.

“Too bad I had to kill her with everyone else”

Suddenly everything clicks in Togami's head. It’s so abvoius now, and he almost feels stupid for not realizing it sooner. 

“You- It was you!” Togami gasps. “The Tragedy- You-”

“Yeah, duh” Enoshima clicks her tongue and rolls her eyes in annoyance. “You realized that _now_? I thought you were smarter”

Togami doesn’t know what to say, he lays dumbfounded and just stares at her, the girl who just confessed to ending the world, his classmate. The Ultimate Despair herself had been hiding amongst them in plain sight this entire time.

“Mukuro and I orchistated everything. We forced the student council to kill each other, we brainwashed the reserve course, plunged the world into despair, yada yada” She says carelessly, and puts on a pair of blue plastic gloves. She says it like it’s nothing. Like she’s just talking about the weather, or what she ate for lunch yesterday. “But, I’m bored with all of that now. I have something else planned, a funny little game, and my darling classmates will serve as my pawns”

Togami doesn’t dare to breathe, he doesn’t think he’s ever been this terrified in his entire life. Enoshima’s lips twist into a smirk as she drags a gloved finger across his chest. He has never felt so small, so helpless, so vulnerable. She is a hungry predator, and he is her newly caught prey.

“But you, Togami, are one of my most important chess pieces. Without you things won’t be nearly as interesting!” Enoshima cheers and gives him a wide grin. “That’s why I can't let you die. At least not now, that is”

Togami doesn’t like the sound of that. Whatever Enoshima has planned, it's probably worse than he’ll ever imagine. She gently moves her fingers across his neck, so lightly he can barely feel it. She can do anything to him right now, and she knows it.

“What will you do to me?” He asks, mouth dry and cold sweat dripping all over his body.

“Oh…” Enoshima tilts her head and her pigtails sway back and forth. “You’ll find out soon enough”

Togami doesn’t know how to respond, and before he gets the chance a second person enters the room. Ikusaba steps into the light, and she looks down at him with cold, empty eyes. She’s wearing the same kind of white coat, and in her hands she holds a metal tray.

“You came just in time Mukuro! How are our other patients doing?” Enoshima asks her sister with a faked concerned voice.

“I had to take extra measures with Kirigiri, and Naegi was hard to get asleep. Other than that everything went well and according to your calculations” She responds flatly, almost as if she were a robot.

Togami's thoughts swirl around in his head at the speed of light. The thought never occurred to him that Naegi might be in the same situation as himself. _That Naegi could be in danger_.

“Naegi- Where’s Naegi!” He shouts and desperately tries to loosen the restraints. “What did you do to him!”

“Oh he’ll be fine,” Enoshima rolls her eyes and takes the metal tray from Ikusaba. “It’s sweet that you care though. Ah, the despair in your eyes! You must really love him, huh?”

“What will you do to him y-you monster!” He growls in response, the rope around his arms cutting into his skin as he tries to get them out.

The two sisters look at each other for a moment, and Ikusaba nods. The black haired soldier picks up a syringe from the metal tray and walks over to his side. She grabs his arms with an unexpected force, and Togami instinctively flinches away.

“Lay still. You don’t want me to mess this up, trust me” Ikusaba says calmly.

Togami gives in, and relaxes his arms. Ikusaba cleans his skin with a wet wipe, and brings the needle to his upper left arm. He watches as the long needle breaks the surface of his skin, and the clear liquid slowly gets injected into his bloodstream. He realizes that he can’t move his arms anymore, and his legs have gone completely numb. He should be panicking, but he doesn't have enough energy left.

Enoshima opens the book again and shows one of the pages to Ikusaba. They exchange some words that Togami can’t make out, and their silhouettes become a blur. His mind and body get numb, but it’s not a bad feeling. It almost feels nice, like he’s floating away on a cloud. Somewhere in his head the thought that he will never wake up occurs to him. But would it really be that bad? It feels tempting.

_No, he has to see Naegi again. He needs to know if Naegi’s okay._

Desperate to stay awake, he forces his eyes to stay open. Junko puts on a surgical mask and picks up a thin scalpel from the tray. She inspects the instrument in her hands, spinning it around her fingers, and looking at it under the light of the lamp. Togami’s eyelids feel unbearably heavy, and it’s getting harder to focus. In the midst of their distant chatter Togami thinks he can distinguish Enoshima's voie.

“Sleep well, Byakuya”

And with that, Togami’s vision turns black. Just before his mind falls into unconsciousness, a thought lights up in his head. He never got to tell Naegi before he fainted in the hallway, and he knows he’ll ever get the chance again.

**epilogue**

Enoshima watches as Togami awakens in the classroom, he’s one of the last ones now. She leans closer to the screen and watches in joyful anticipation as he looks around the room. Togami takes a hand to his chest and flinches in pain, and Enoshima's lips twist into a wide smile.

It worked! She thinks and spins around in her chair. It actually worked! Enoshima had started to wonder if he would ever wake up again, but everything went according to plan after all. Soon he will discover the scars on his chest and understand why he’s in so much pain, but he will only become more confused. He won’t remember the last two years of his life, not The Tragedy, not the Hanahaki Disease, nothing. Because for him, today is the first day of school. He’ll ll be just as clueless as the rest of her darling friends!

Togami reaches for the pamphlet on the desk, and reads it with a raised eyebrow. Soon he will join the others in the gym, and the game can finally begin. She’s so excited about this she’s practically squeaking! 

Her gaze lands on the leather book laying at the table. She picks it up and runs her fingers over the engraved symbol on the cover. She’s so lucky to have found Asano, without her Togami would be dead long ago. She flips through it, and lands on a particular page. This page reeks of so much despair it’s unbelievable. The page is handwritten, and you can tell they’re written with a lot of pain and sorrow. Pain and sorrow from someone who had to find out the hard way.

Enoshima smiles as she reads the text for what feels like the hundredth time. She’s so jealous of Togami. The despair that he’ll feel later on is so immaculate and delicious, And Togami won’t appreciate such despair like she does. It’s a shame, really.

Togami is already up on his legs and on the way to the gym, and he winces with every step. He might think he’s suffering now, but she knows it has only just begun. Because Enoshima has read about the side effects of the surgery, and she knows.

He will never be able to love again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading Byakuya Togamis's declining physical and mental health: The fic.
> 
> No but seriously thank you so much! All of the supportive comments I've gotten have really motivated me to write this :,)


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